Praise Yeezus.

Rihanna Versus Kim.

RiRi: 

Film: Battleship
Opening Weekend Box Office: $25.3 million
Total Lines of Dialogue: 68
Total Word Count: 318
Best Line of Dialogue: “Mahalo, motherfu-“
Acting Review: “What you might not foresee is that Rihanna, playing a weapons expert, doesn’t embarrass herself as an actress; she neither hits the heights of Mariah Carey in Precious, nor the depths of Carey in Glitter.”

Kim:

Film: Temptation
Opening Weekend Box Office: $22.3 million
Total Lines of Dialogue: 53
Total Word Count: 599
Best Line of Dialogue: ”That’s not makeup. That’s makedown.”
Acting Review: “…thoroughly repugnant, like Judith’s shallow, clothes-obsessed co-worker (Kim Kardashian, whose monotonous line readings demonstrate that she saved her real acting talents for her sex tape).”

True in 2007. Still true now. 

The Good & Bad Of Kimye’s Pregnancy: 

The Good: One of the most prolific hip-hop artists is reproducing, passing those sometimes-genius genes onto a new generation.
The Bad: The other half of its genes will consist of a Kardashian cocktail.

The Good: More Kanye on “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”
The Bad: The completely unnecessary but totally-happening “Kimye Birthing Special” on the E! Network.

The Good: The conspiracy theories about the pregnancy.
The Bad: The realization that it’s still going to happen. 

The Good: Fat Kim.
The Bad: The humanized and emotionally-identifiable Fat Kim and subsequent maternity line. 

The Good: At least it’s not a Hilton reproduction. 
The Bad: It’s still a Kardashian: The Next Generation. 

The Good: All the Beyonce shade.
The Bad: All the Kris Jenner support and “Mom of the Year” bullsh*t.

The Good: Rockabye Baby! Lullaby Remixes of Kanye West.
The Bad: The Kanye West baby-love concept album.

The Good: The Kanye West Instagram account.
The Bad: All the pics of Kim’s growing stomach. 

The Good: Kanye grabbing the mic and interrupting himself during shows…
The Bad: …to profess his love for Kim.  

The Good: The Kanye West kids and babies fashion line.
The Bad: The Kanye West kids and babies fashion line. 

The Good: A distraction from Jessica Simpson’s 5-year-long pregnancy.
The Bad: That distraction is Kim Kardashian and her pregnancy cravings. 

The Good: The Mayans got the date wrong.
The Bad: It turns out it’s Kim’s due date. 

Here’s to the next 9 months!

The philosophy of Kim Kierkegaardashian | BuzzFeed

A new Twitter account brilliantly mashes up Danish philosopher Søren Kierkegaard’s existentialist thoughts with Kim Kardashian’s tweets and observations. It’s the only time the reality star will ever sound smart.

Kim Kardashian’s Guide To Social Climbing | BuzzFeed