This is not a test. This is a real book based on free articles from the Internet available for $23.75 through Amazon. I repeat, this is not a test. This is a real book about celebrities with big dicks based on articles from Wikipedia. This has been a broadcast about “Important Literary Emergencies.”

According to Publishers Weekly, ‘Microwave For One’ is the worst book ever. But honestly, based on the customer reviews, it’s just the most tragic: 

“After the divorce” by Benjamin L. Hamilton

After the divorce my diet consisted primarily of uncooked ramen and whiskey. Occasionally I wondered aloud if I’d ever have another home cooked meal again.

Then I discovered “Microwave for One” and everything changed.

My favorite chapters were:

Chapter 1: Plugging in your Microwave and You

Chapter 4: How to Wait 3 Minutes

Chapter 11 [BONUS CHAPTER]: Eating with Cats

In closing, I give this book 2 thumbs up (and a paw!). Thanks Sonia Allison!

“Buy this book, or don’t, I don’t care anymore” by Michael Pemulis

It used to be that I got home from work and the only thing I’d want to put in my mouth was the cold barrel of my grandfather’s shotgun. Then I discovered Sonia Allison’s Chicken Tetrazzini, and now there are two things.

According to the New York Times, Amazon paid Gaga’s distributor, Universal, full price (between $8 or $9 per album), meaning they lost more than $3 million.

That is certainly a ton of money to have kicked into your campaign by an entity that has no actual interest in how well your album sells, and it provides much fodder for anyone wishing to quibble with the validity of the 1.1 million number. But Lady Gaga should still get a lot of the credit: Amazon would have wanted to pull this kind of sales gimmick with someone, and, thanks to the all-permeating pop-culture presence that Gaga has cultivated, she was the top option. Meanwhile, Amazon chalks all those millions up to marketing costs and moves on. Win-win! Still, Taylor Swift — who only mustered a paltry 1.04 million sales for Speak Now’s first week — is probably pretty salted. 

[via Vulture]